Hero
by Irishsodabread
Summary: You use me and make me hurt. I want to hit you until you bleed. Or stab you in the back like you did to me. I just want you to feel the pain that I feel. Like a knife is searing into my flesh. A knife held by you. You laugh as you twist it, and I squirm.
1. Default Chapter

Hero

Rating; Pg-13 I guess.

An: I don't own anything.

Pairings: You'll see….

I watch you laugh at me, your smile once so warm and inviting, now so cold and malicious. It breaks my heart to know that you used me. Just for pleasure. To you that night will just be another one on your list, while for me; it was the best night of my life. 

What happened to my friend? The boy with the raven hair and the warm eyes went away long ago. Now that's left over is an empty shell. Hallow and cold. 

I've fallen in love with you, you know? Hopelessly in love. You once held my heart in your hands with gentle touch, now your grip has tightened and squeezing violently at the delicate thing that still rests in your hands. Your arms once held me in them. Now I'm alone, pretending that you are right here doing the same

Ever since that night, that one glorious night, I have denied that you've changed. Blamed it on myself on why your not here anymore. Saying I did something wrong and that soon you'll come back to me. After all, you are the hero. You can do no wrong. I on the other hand, I'm just a plain and worthless muggle born; a mudblood to many. So it had to be my fault.

But if it's my fault, why do I hurt and you don't? Every time I see you, you glare; your eyes are hard and gleam less. Once they held life and love. The green in your eyes use to flicker when they saw me. Holding love and warmth.

But was that love false? Never had I questioned it, not until now. Was it all just a façade? Was that love under false pretenses? Did you say those wonderful in my ears just for one thing? You waited until I gave in and you got what you wanted; my body.

How could you do this to me? A friend for over seven years and you betray me. You use me and make me hurt. I want to hit you until you bleed. Or stab you in the back like you did to me. I just want you to feel the pain that I feel. Like a knife is searing into my flesh. A knife held by you. You laugh as you twist it, and I squirm. You get joy from this. Don't you? 

Seeing the hurt in my eyes when I see you flirting with some hussy gives you pleasure. You may ignore me, but you know my gaze. Having had me beneath you that one night; my eyes holding your look as you filled me; its been embedded into your mind. You know it, and you use this to your advantage. 

But I don't hurt anymore when I watch you do this. I feel anger. I once felt sadness and longing for you, but now I feel anger and hate. I feel hate when you laugh at my expense when you tell your friends how I was in bed. I feel anger when you look at me, with a smirk plastered in your face.

Even the cruelest slytherins wouldn't have done what you have done. I've watched Draco with girls, and he treats them with respect and love. He's a gentleman; something so unlike him; yet it fits him perfectly. But you treating me with cruelty and malice, that was once so unlike you, but it fits. You've changed into something that at one time I couldn't understand, but now I do. I once admired you, thought you brave. But now I know

You may be the hero in the eyes of many. But to me, all you'll ever be is a coward.

*~*~*~*

How did you like it? Just a one time kinda thing. Not that great I know, but its only my second story; and my first harry potter story………

Review!!!!


	2. Shattered Lamb

Fragility

I can hear their laughing.I can feel the way their stomachs lurch with happiness at my expense. I loved him, yes, but it's been almost three months since our breakup and still he torments me. I thought I was over him, but still I cry sometimes when I'm in the shower. No one can hear me scream there. The water drowns out my sorrowful wails. They are muffled into the water and travel into the drain, down into unknown.

My tears are not for you anymore, but for who you use to be. Harry Potter, boy who lived. You use to mesmerize me with your glow. But now that glow is gone, and all that's left is the cruel and malevolent person who now resides in your body. I can somewhat understand why you turned out the way you did. The spotlights glare was just too strong, and like a fly to a flame you were drawn to it. In your predicament, anyone would. Also, everyone you've loved has left you. Your parents, your godfather, and your best friend, are all gone at you expense. So no wonder you hate yourself. Your loved ones are gone, so why not hate yourself because there is no love coming your way. You had it with me, you had love. But you were too blind to notice and you turned me away. That's okay, because now I notice you're gone. Your not the man I once knew, and he will never come back. I have to get use to it. Just as you would with any loss.

But that does not mean that I don't mourn for you. The person you once were, because he was a wonderful being.

So now I sit here, looking at the pictures on my wall. They tell a wonderful story; A story of first love. Tears begin their journey from my duct to the lush of my lip. A lonely tear, just as I am now. I watch the happy stories, the pictures are almost real. But they are not, because the people in them have changed. I miss you more than over.

So as I sit here, reminiscing over our happy times, a razor blade makes its way to my flesh. How is it that it got into my hand? My fingers feel the cool of the metal under my tips. Is this the way? I'm not sure. But all I can think of when that razor lightly touches my flesh is that you are not who you are. This is a game. It's a test. Lightly I press it to the pale of my skin. My essence seeps through. No pain comes from this quick action. I do it again and again. I repeat this, feeling the pain from my heart drip into my blood and out my body. Almost like a release.

The blood paints a lovely picture down my arm. It spells out your name. I smile at the irony of this. You don't deserve this kind of beauty. But yet, here there you are, you have all of me. But still you laugh at my expense. Because I am a Lamb of God. You are a butcher. Your cleaver bloodies my white wool when laid upon me. I don't deserve this, for I am pure. But yet, I think I love the guilt and pain. If I didn't, then I would have stopped loving you.

I'm pathetic and worthless. Slash; slash until it all drains out. I was once thought to be the luckiest girl in the world. Not here I am, blood dripping from my arms spilling onto the wood floor below me, tears trailing down my cheeks, showing that I am weak and utterly useless.

I try to be strong, but the cheery façade is starting to make me sick. Like the sight of seeing you smile makes the bile rise into my throat. You don't deserve to be happy. Not after what you have done. The cuts on my forearms, I blame each of them on you.

I once tried to escape this. I was forgetting the happy times and focusing on anew. But then my heart came crashing down. And you were there to witness it. You stared back at me as I gasped for air. You green eyes meeting my blank and dormant ones. They flickered with hate and malice. But all I saw was the knife you stabbed into my back and the blood that was trickling down my side. I bled a river for you that day, and you wallowed in it. Splashing and diving, enjoying every drop. Even then, me drowning in my own pain and red was not enough for you to revert back to your old loving self again. You truly changed that day.

That was the day I started the bloodletting. I believed then, that if I bled enough, I could start a new you. You would begin anew. But alas, that was just a hopeless dream. Dreams are gems that you are supposed to grasp tightly in your heart. I once had that, you were a dream. But that's gone, and I must die day by day, because my heart slowly drips, as if damaged.

They say time heals all wounds

But I'm not so sure.

Because why do I still hurt?

And why does this razor keep on getting into my hands and letting the red of my life out?

wow that was……. Dark. Never knew I could write like this.

Most of the inspiration came from my friend. She writes beautiful poems. This is Hermione talking about her feelings towards Harry. I'm thinking of creating a REAl story for this. Maybe, I don't know. Everything's pretty much focused on Quintessence. Tell me what you think about this story.. I would love to know……..

Thanks to those who reviewed. I heart you all.

Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Later loves


	3. Innocence lost

How is it that my life has become total and utter crap? That line isn't as elegant as I'd like it to be, but it's brutally honest; asking the one question that has been plaguing my mind for the last 3 months. I'm not one to whine, never was and never will be. But when your life gets to the point where you cut yourself to the brink where not one part of arms and legs are untouched, then you got a problem. When your life gets to the point where you cut yourself because it eases the pain in your heart, then something is wrong. I guess there is something wrong. I know it is. Maybe I'm just doing this for attention? Maybe, somewhere in the back of my brain, I do this all for the stares and the glances I get from people when they see my arms? I don't think so though I never was one for attention. No, I get in trances. Ever get into those; Trances? Well I do, and they are frightening. My body tenses, every muscle hums with intensity and I sit there, reciting suicide poems. Then something sharp gets into my hands and I slash. Never deep enough, never enough to die.

_Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines, _

_He wrote poem_

_And he called it "Chops" _

_Because it was the name of his dog_

_And that's what it was all about _

_And his teacher gave him an A_

_And a gold star_

_And his mother hung it on the kitchen door _

_And read it to his aunts_

_That was the year Father Tracy_

_Took all the kids to the zoo_

_And he let them sing on the bus_

_And his little sister was born_

_With tiny toenails and no hair_

_And his mother and father kissed a lot_

_And the girl from around the corner sent him a _

_Valentine signed with a row of X's_

_And he asked his father what the X's meant_

_And his father always tucked him into bed at night_

_And was always there to do it_

I'm pathetic, because I read this poem all the time. I think it's tragically beautiful and it makes me cry. A lot of things make me cry. Like the thought of him. But lets not go there. But it's true, I am pathetic. I am a shattered lamb, lying on the ground bloody and decrepit. I'm gaunt and I cry for those I love, but they don't answer because I'm not who they want. I'm not what he wants. I'm not what my parents want. They say divorce is never easy on a child, well that is an understatement. I feel that I am at fault for what's happening in my life. Love is gone, and the symbol of love, my parents, has broken apart. They say they don't love each other anymore. They've fallen out of love, like he did with me. But I don't think he loved me in the first place. I'm not going to talk about that because its not needed. I need help, there I've admitted it. My ears ring now, because I've gone against my body. My body wasn't ready to admit it. There's a deafening ring in my ears. It hurts. Am I going crazy? Or am I already there?

_ Once on a white piece of paper with _

_ blue lines_

_He wrote a poem_

_And he called it "autumn" _

_Because that was the name of the season_

_And that was what it was all about_

_And his teacher gave him an A_

_And asked him to write it more clearly_

_And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door_

_Because of new paint_

_And the kids told him _

_that__ father Tracy smoked cigars_

_And left the butts on the pews_

_And sometimes they would burn holes_

_That was the year his sister got glasses_

_with__ thick lenses and black frames_

_And the girl around the corner laughed_

_When he asked her to go see Santa Claus_

_And the kids told him why _

_his__ mother and father kissed a lot_

_And his father never tucked him in at night_

_And his father got mad _

_When he cried for him to do it.___

Draco Malfoy caught a look at my arms today. His eyes, for the first time in the period that I've known him, were understanding and warm. Something so unlike him. There was no sneer or remark. He just looked at me like he was surprised that I would do something like this. Well guess what buddy, I do. I do it every time things get to be too much and I cant handle it. Frequently I may add. But I haven't done it for the last 3 weeks now. I've been good. I'm looking at a better view point. I'm less pessimistic. Or at least I think I am. It scary when I do get to that point where I want to self mutilate. It feels like a geyser inside my soul, ready to burst and spill the pain out. And when it does blow, its frightening. Because instead of water that spills out of this geyser, blood drips, slowly and painfully.

_Once on a piece of paper torn from his notebook_

_he__ wrote a poem _

_And he called it " Innocence; A question"_

_Because that was the question about his girl_

_And that's what it was all about_

_And his professor gave him an A_

_And a strange steady look_

_And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door_

_Because he never showed her_

_That was the year that Father Tracy died_

_And he forgot how the end_

_Of the apostles creed went _

_And he caught his little sister _

_Making out on the back porch_

_And his mother never kissed _

_or__ even talked_

_And the girl around the corner_

_wore__ too much makeup_

_That made him cough__ when he kissed her_

_But he kissed her anyway_

_Because that was the thing to do_

_And at __three A.M__ he tucked himself into bed_

_his__ father snoring loudly_

I wish to God I could stop this. To will this pain away because it's the worst thing in the world. Emotions dig their way through your skin like parasitic worms and cause you to hurt. They attach to your heart and suck you dry. It's a painful process, but oh-so necessary to love, or to be loved. But soon, if things go wrong, the worms that are your emotions, fill with the blood from your heart and burst, causing bacteria to spread through your body and make you sick; sick to the point of hating yourself and causing pain to you. I hate myself, because the bacteria from the worms have traveled through my body, making every point sick, and then traveled to my heart which is the most fragile place. I hate myself because I am not what they want. I wake up feeling like the world hates me, and that I am not loved. But then the rational part of my brain kicks in and it says 'your loved god dammit' and then this feud starts in my brain; between the self hating part and the rational part. And this is what is going to drive me to the point of madness.

_That's why on the back on a brown paper bag_

_He tried another poem_

_And he called it "Absolutely nothing"_

_Cause that what it was really all about_

_And he gave himself an A_

_And a slash on each damned wrist_

_And he hung it on the bathroom door_

_Because this time he didn't think _

_That he could reach the kitchen_

Things change, I figured that much from this poem. See, the boy here couldn't take the enormity of the transformation. His childhood, so innocent and beautiful, Is taken away from him because of time. He finds out the sins of others and he can't take it. This nagging feeling of how people change brings him to the brink of madness and ultimately death. I'm a lot like this boy. My life changed, people I know and love have left me and gone for something better. I see clearly now, that everything isn't as golden as it use to be, because the rust soon comes and covers it all.I see that people aren't good and pure, that their hearts are dirty and full of greed. And that's the most painful thing in the world, because it truly means that my innocence is lost. I hope to god that I don't end up like this boy in the poem, because I truly don't want to die. But I'm afraid I will. Because, I am weak just like him.

_So how did you like this chapter? I've decided that I'm going to make this into a full blown story. Maybe starting from where Harry betrayed her, and to the point where she finds love again? How'd that be? _

_The poem in this chapter is from the book " The perks of being a wallflower" I tell you this is truly an amazing book and I suggest you all to read it. Beautiful story and my favorite book ever ( even better than Harry Potter!!!) that's just my opinion…_

_Well review!!!!!!!!!!11_


	4. Puncture

Slash

I was once perceived as beautiful. How ironic is that? Because now, my body is decrepit and weak with despair. I no longer cry for you. That time has past. I cry for the person I am changing into. Cynical and pessimistic I am; your betrayal has left me cold. I miss the person I use to be; so pure and full of wonder. I was beautiful then. Now I am the ugliest thing out there.

I slash the pale of my skin, scars marking past discrepancies. A night of crazed trances, I muttered sentences full of words of hate and anger. I said these things only to myself. Because I am the only one who deserves them. And that is why I am here, in this room, this familiar blade laying in my hands. Has this become an obsession I ask myself? The liar in me screams 'of course not, everyone does this. It feels good doesn't it? 'And it does. But then, the ever logical side of my brain screams 'Yes it has, and there's no going back'. Lately this voice has gotten louder and more demanding. It's harder to ignore. And that is why I get angry with myself. I can't even ignore a simple voice in my head. I have to listen to it, just as I have listened to everyone else in my life. I argue with myself, screaming and ranting. Independence rules out, and then the blood draws from my skin. Then the overpowering guilt comes through and I am dead with worry.

My parents worry, for they are the only ones who seem to care. They lost their marriage a while ago, and now they worry that I may be taking it the hard way. I'm fine now with their decision to burn their love to the ground and leave the ashes to blow in the wind and drift away. I don't care anymore. I just wish someone would see me for what I am now. I am no longer who I use to be. I dream of the person I use to be. She sits under a willow tree in a pure white dress, her brown hair blowing in the soft summer breeze. She is smiling and humming a tune that I do not recognize. She seems to feel a presence and turns towards me. She stares at me with the brown eyes that mirror my own. We were once the same person, but now I am damaged goods, and she was the prize before the tragedy. Why did the prize have to be dropped by someone so careless? Why did the prize have to break?

Slowly she opens her mouth and just above a whisper I hear.

_" Jai__ guru deva um " _

And then I wake up, back to the real world where every time I blink I am reminded of the person I am. I am a disgusting poison that grew from such a beautiful flower with such sweet nectar.

I use to dream about you. I use to wonder, when is the time when you aren't in my mind? Setting flames, ravaging my dreams? Now I know that it's was stupid and naïve of myself to think about you, to dream about you, because you weren't doing the same. And that made the situation even worse.

I feel the familiar sting of the sliced skin on my forearm. I wince slightly, still not use to the pain at first. It will always hurt I guess. It's a clean cut, no jagged skin on the sides just straight and shallow. Why is it that I can't face reality, when really, the harm I cause on myself is more harsh than any real thing I've encountered.

People cut because it gives them tangible ways to explain their emotional pain. I read that in a book once. Books, my world revolves around them. That is probably why I am so out of touch with the world around, why I am filled with neutral empty space.

You sneered at me the other day, saying I was nothing more than a good lay, your green eyes sparkling maliciously.. I immediately went up to my room, denying that you had actually said that to me. I clutched my beloved blade within my hands, and brought it to my calf; I cut everywhere. I am beyond hating you now; I just accept life the way if truly is. Harsh and useless. The pale of my flesh is red now, not from blood, but from irritation. Everything has been irritated, moved around and left to rot within this terrible heat that is my self loathing.

(&&)(

"Granger why do you do this to yourself?" He clutched her forearm tightly, the red marks on her arms becoming more apparent by the pressure

"Sod off Malfoy!" She yelled, ripping her arm away from his pale hand. They were alone in the hallway; they were on a sweep of the hallways.

"No I will not sod off you stupid cow! I've seen those marks on your arms, the red scratches. I know what they are. Why would you do this?"

She just glared at him.

"Is it because of Potter, the stupid wanker?"

"Like I said, Sod. Off. Malfoy!" She seethed.

"No!"

"Oh, really why is it that all of a sudden, Draco Malfoy has taken a sudden interest in that I do with myself? Aren't you suppose to be happy that I cut? Aren't you suppose to make some snide remark saying that I deserve it or something? And yet here you are concerened. Honestly Malfoy, what in the bloody hell are you getting at?"

" I—"

" I'll say it once, and I won't repeat it again. Sod. Off." She turned swiftly on her heel and walked down the hallway.

Screw prefect responsibilities.

She was going to bed.

((&

" And she thought I loved _her_!" Harry Potter said loudly. " Can you believe that? Stupid wench said she love me! And guess what I did, I said it back. And guess what it got me?"

They all laughed.

Hermione sat two rows down, listening to the whole conversation while at breakfast the next day. She knew he was talking about the incident again. Not wanting to hear anymore of it, she quickly got up and started to leave.

"Hey Hermione, you really were a great lay…" Harry called while Ron guffawed next to him.

"Bite me." She snapped.

"Gladly." He snickered. "Did you hear that Hermione, I said I loved you, and you believed me? After what I got, I should be happy. Even though I've had better. "

She turned and ran out the hall, not aware of cold grey eyes following her.

Her feet carried her up the cold white stairs and into her room. And it was in there that she found her friend. A friend of cold steel.

(&(&&&

He couldn't fathom how that must have felt, as he watched that whole scene take place. He saw the whole range of emotions in her eyes; her first love maliciously bombarded her with insults and innuendos, tears swiftly taking the place of the angry look in her eyes.

Potter took pleasure in it, her pain. He knew that Potter saw the marks on her arms, but yet, the boy wonder did nothing to take care of her problem. The wanker really did change.

He watched her in classes. She was still as studious as ever, hand raised and homework always on time. But he knew there was something missing in her life, in her eyes. The spark was gone, the remnants being that of a dull glow.

He didn't know the girl that well, hell he didn't even like her. She was nothing more than an annoying fly in her ear, always there to irritate him. But he couldn't help that he felt drawn to her. Her sadness radiated towards him, and pulled him in.

And it was at this point as he watched Potter laugh at the retreating back of Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy got up quickly and curled his fist and connected it with his jaw.

**To those wondering why I'm making Harry out to be such an asshole, well here's my answer**

****

**I love Character emotional torture. I absolutely adore it. But only Hermione's emotional torture, no one else's. And Harry seemed pretty fitting to be the bad guy here. So don't get mad Harry fans. Read my other story, Beyond Fragile, it has Harry as the good guy not the bad. Shameless plugging yes, but hey its mah story. **

**Songs that helped me:**

**1. Something Corporate; My ****Constantine******

**2. Scarlet Tide; Cold mountain soundtrack**

**3. Spitalfield; she said l.a**

**4. Bjork; New world**


	5. Swallow the knife

Swallow the knife

I am beyond crying. Emotions now are dead to me, nothing more than pangs of weakness. So my open wounds will bleed, until these veins run dry. I can't look at anyone anymore, without seeing the gaunt faces, the shadows of which people use to be. It makes me sick, makes the bile rise to my throat.

I must take this away from myself, this pain and torture. I have to take this thorn out of my side

But I simply cannot.

So I swallow the knife, and carve away my pride.

I am an unheard voice within a crowded room. I scream at the top of my lungs, my throat growing hoarse. I use to think that someday someone would hear me, but now I know that our integrity is the grayest of the gray.

(&(

"Hey Hermione?" Neville broke her from her reverie on the way to potions.

" Hm?"

"I –um- I have a q-question for you?" He asks tentatively

She cocked her head to the side.

"Why have you been so- you know- distant lately?" He looked down at his shoes.

She thought for a moment. "We'll incase you haven't noticed Neville, I'm not exactly part of _that _crowd anymore."

"Yea I know that, but I'm still your friend…" he said weakly.

"I know that Neville, and thanks for it right now…" She said quickly before walking quickly away, not wanting to be bothered again.

The last incident with Harry had left her physically and emotionally drained.

Potions class went by smoothly, as she was very good at it. But Hermione couldn't help try to shake off the feeling that someone was watching her. She tried to find the eyes that seemed to dig into her soul, but she couldn't and merely just dismissed it as another hallucination of hers.

((&

The corridors were obviously empty, but their responsibility made them walk along the stone floor.

Complete silence, utterly deafening.

Draco looked over at the girl next to him. Her hair was hanging in her face, mahogany frizz whisking along with her movements. She use to take care of her hair, if only for a short time. His eyes traveled down towards her wrist; so fragile and small.

" Malfoy, why did you punch Harry the other day?" she asked softly, not even looking at him as she walked.

"That's a dumb question, Granger. I hate the kid, which should be your reason…" He said snidely.

"Neville told me that you did it just as I left the great hall… After-"

"After Harry said those snide remarks to you? I didn't do it for you Granger, don't flatter yourself."

"Then why did you?" she whispered

" I-I don't know. I'm very compulsive you know..." he added.

She merely just nodded and kept walking. They turned down a hallway, down past a statue with an angel fighting a centaur.

Draco looked over to see her rubbing at her left arm as she walked. Her black robe contrasting with her pale skins, making her seem almost porcelain.

"Why are you staring?" She asked, tiredness showing in her voice.

"I don't know…" he answered, transfixed.

" Your wondering why I do this to myself right?"

He nodded.

She merely just sighed, a sigh that sounded like ' as if its not obvious already.' He looked away briefly, and down at his shoes.

No one had ever made him ever so small in his life.

Your gray eyes pierce my skin, seeing the wearied bone beneath my plastic exterior. You try to understand, but you come up short. You will never see the colors I see, its color richness won't appear within you your view. You will forever be utterly blind to the outcries of pain and misery all around you.

You try, I can see. For some odd reason, you're trying to see why this heart just doesn't beat with the same intensity as it use to. You try. But, it's not enough.

I'm not sure as to why you are trying to understand. I've always thought that your cold exterior was the same as your equally chilling interior.

But I guess a flame has sparked within that beating muscle within your chest.

I wish I had the same spark within too.

" Ms. Granger, I would like to speak with you for a moment." Professor McGonagall called out after class.

Hermione quickly turned on her heel, quietly pulling her robe sleeve down a little farther, in order to conceal the scars beneath.

" I was just wondering, though it may not be of any business of mine, if you were alright. You seem very much in a rut—"

" I assure you, I'm fine professor. I'm just tired is all? Prefect duties and studying has been sort of a burden lately…." She soon realized something " –not that I cant handle it, for surely I can, its just I've been a little worn. But I assure you, a good nights rest will surely do me works."

Her favorite professor's eyes traveled down to Hermione's arm as she was rubbing it nervously.

"I'm sure…If you need anything Ms. Granger, you know I would be more than happily to oblige.:"

Hermione nodded quickly before she turned on her heel and strode out of the class room.

"You know you are such a liar…" Draco said snidely as she came through the entry way.

"Were you listening in on my private conversations with the professor?"

"How can I not, I'm suppose to have that class next and I enter and see you talking with McGonagall, and as you know, there is a terrible echo in this room…" he smirked

"You're an obnoxious tosser..." She shot back before she turned on her heels and walked through the crowed. Draco watched her leave, her brown hair lost within the swarm of bodies around her. He chuckled before he turned into his classroom.

(&(

I swore I saw something in you today. Your eyes were no longer dead, no longer dank. I saw that spark for a brief moment. You may think that you have changed, and its true that you have. But, for that brief moment, I saw your old soul within those luke warm eyes.

I'm not sure why I bother with you. You are below me, I'm sure of it. But yet, with your intelligence, I cannot deny that you are something utterly remarkable. I still don't like you. Your haughty aura makes me ill. But yet, you are the only one to make me feel like the size of an insect. And it mesmerizes to the point of rendering me utterly frazzled.

What is this?

()&(&&

_On the next "Hero" _

_"You insufferable little shit! Did it ever occur to you Malfoy that being an obnoxious little twit only makes you look like your compensating for something…" she spat at him contemptuously._

_:" Why are you always such a bitch Hermione? Were you like this with Potter also? No wonder he broke your heart…" He shot back venomously _

**Yea, so, to all of you, this will probably be my last chapter for a while.**** At least 2-3 months. I am moving to a different state, and seeing as I am not a computer wiz., my internet will not be up for a while… **

**I've used a couple lines from a Story of the year song, called Swallow the Knife, also. I also used a couple of lines from a song from Fiona apple called " Never is a promise." **

**Review!!**


	6. Eskimo

_Tiredness fuels empty thoughts  
I find myself disposed  
Brightness fills empty space  
In search of inspiration  
Harder now with higher speed  
Washing in on top of me  
So I look to my eskimo friend  
I look to my eskimo friend  
I look to my eskimo friend  
When I'm down, down, down._

" Sod off Harry." Hermione said through gritted teeth as she pushed through the boy and his friends on the way to lunch on a Monday afternoon. The obnoxious boy had been cat calling to Hermione throughout the history of magic class.

He sat next to her that day.

" Why Hermione, why should I sod off? That's not what you said that night you know." The raven haired boy spat. His friends laughed from behind.

She bit back tears. She also considered the options of lunging herself at him, ripping his eyes out or tearing his balls off and feeding them to Mrs. Norris.

She did know how long she was silent, probably only a couple seconds. But within those seconds, which seemed endless, she gripped the last amount of courage inside her and said the best thing that came to mind.

"No Harry, I guess I was just too surprised at how small it was. You know?" she said brazenly. Harry's eyes glittered for a moment, with something that Hermione hadn't seen in a long time.

But it was gone within seconds.

Those green eyes went back to the malevolence that had plagued it for the past five months and the hope that had come into Hermione's heart left.

"You always did have a sharp tongue Hermione. The clever little witch." Harry said falsely as he quickly pulled out his wand and pointed it at Hermione's face.

Gryffindor bravery surged within her veins at that moment. In the face of peril, her courage came to the surface, no matter how broken and beaten she was. She quirked an eyebrow as her hand went to her pocket for her weapon; her wand. Harry just smirked back.

She no longer was going to be tortured by this man anymore. But before she could even get her wand out.

" Ahem."

Both perpetrators turned at the familiar noise that sounded so much like the former Hogwarts high Inquisitor.

It was just Malfoy.

" What do you want?" both asked.

"Professor Dumbledore wishes to see Granger." Malfoy said quickly, eyeing the situation. To him, it looked like Potter was about to curse Hermione. And it seemed that the girl had not even attempted to move. Stupid Gryffindor cow.

"Oh yes, just give me a second." Harry said cheekily before he set his eyes back on the young woman in front of him. She still hadn't moved an inch, and stared him straight in the eye.

" Actually no. It seemed rather urgent." Harry gave him an exasperated look. " Oh believe me, I would love to watch you two hex each other into oblivion. But I have a duty. And I promise that as soon as we're done you two can go back to killing each other. I'll even be around this time to enjoy the show." He said sarcastically.

Harry dropped his wand and Hermione turned quickly towards the blond boy. They walked silently towards the headmaster's office. Hermione could still feel Harry's harsh gaze at her back.

Malfoy grabbed her forearm to stop the small girl from actually entering the office.

"Malfoy?" She surveyed him harshly.

"Do you want to hear something funny?" The blond boy asked proudly.

"No." she said quickly was she went for the office entrance.

"Well I sure do. Well anyways, the headmaster never sent for us."

"What—why?" she sputtered.

"I thought it would be funny to fool you." He said bluntly

"You're impossible!" she yelled.

"I think the words 'amazing' Granger. Not impossible." He said dryly.

"Did you not see that I was in a situation?" She pointed down the hallway.

"Yes, a very sticky situation. That I'm sure I saved you from." He said proudly.

_Rain it wets muddy roads  
I find myself exposed  
Tapping doors, but irritate  
In search of destination  
Harder now with higher speed_

She stalked towards him quickly. Her face was in his, her eyes blazing with anger and her hair seemed to crackle with newfound electricity. "I don't need saving Malfoy. If anything, its _you__ who _needs the saving." She said through clenched teeth.

"What? I need saving? I'm not the one who's slashing their skin every time someone makes a rash remark towards me." He said quickly.

His words seemed to sting her, for her eyes widened and her skin blushed. " I don't need saving." She said softly.

"Sure you don't." He said sarcastically.

"I don't." She said, sounding as if she was trying to reassure herself. She was on the verge of tears.

He stared at her for a second, her shoulders hunched, and eyes dead. She was beaten; it was finally out there for all to hear or at least him, that she had a problem.

She probably was denying it the whole time.

"He's not worth it Granger. Not even worth your time." He said finally.

"What do you know? Huh, what do you know what I'm worth. Maybe I do deserve this." She stared at the ground, as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"You don't."

"Shut up. I do." She turned to him, and yelled, eyes frantically searching his.

"You don't." he said simply.

"I do." She whimpered.

"I don't know what to say, Granger, to make you believe me."

"There's nothing you can say."

" I'm sure there's nothing. The longer your on this 'woe is me' kick, the longer I have to suffer." As soon as that came out of his mouth, he knew he shouldn't have said that.

"You insufferable little shit! Did it ever occur to you Malfoy that being an obnoxious little twit only makes you look like your compensating for something…" she spat at him contemptuously.

And while his comment before was a little harsh, her comment had hit waay below the belt. Here he was being nice and…Maybe he should keep his mouth shut and walk away.

Too late…

" Why are you always such a bitch Hermione, I was just being nice to you? Were you like this with Potter also? No wonder he broke your heart…" He shot back venomously

Her eyes widened, unshed tears becoming more apparent at their stressed state. "You're an asshole." She said softly before she turned and walked away.

He shouldn't have said that.

_Washing in on top of me  
So I look to my eskimo friend  
I look to my eskimo friend  
I look to my eskimo friend  
When I'm down, down, down._

_A?N__ this is my last chapter for a while. The dreaded moving date is tomorrow and I am very upset and sad about leaving my friends. _

_Review. _


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